I like to believe that we are all spiritually connected through love, music and family. Anyone who has heard the song “If I could” by Regina Belle, resonated with the meaning of the lyrics as I recently have, must be a parent or guardian who truly loves and wants to protect their children, Even as adults. While scrolling through YouTube music the other day I was drawn to the title “If I could”. I couldn’t place it right away but as I was listening I realized I was singing some of the lyrics. I don’t know exactly when I first heard this song. I don’t remember what the lyrics were even about at the time. I know that it was the long and high notes Ms. Belle sung that caught my attention and the passion in her voice is strong and meaningful. As I listened to the lyrics I would realize that she was singing about children. In thinking about my emotions and thoughts before hearing song they were incredibly in sync with what was being sung. Most of my children being adults, living on their own and supporting themselves, I still want to be able to help shield them from the negativity of the world. I would remove all their past and future experiences that had a traumatic impact on their lives and view of the world. Reminding me that we are connected on by more than just this physical life I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings.
To my children, all of them even those who I did not give birth to yet I had a hand in raising, I love you, I loved you then, I love you now, I will love you always.
As a teenager I was convinced that my life was completely empty and I was lost in this world until I was saved by an angel, this “angel of mine” was my first born son. From the first time I saw him I fell in love and I knew I was forever changed. Meeting my step son shortly after was a blessing for me. He was a little over a year old so full of life and love. Receiving love and appreciation throughout the years taught me valuable lessons of what family can be like. Not just stepparents or stepchildren we are family. My youngest son “my baby” joined us bringing so much joy and love to us all with his old and loving soul. Since the day he was born we have had a close connection that at times words are not needed to know what he needs or wants to say. As time quickly passed and life struggles got to be a little more than I thought I could handle I was saved yet again. My first born daughter. My beauty, from the first diaper change to the day I watched her move out and into her own place, has had my heart and admiration. An independent woman of courage and heart of an Angel. Little did I know that we were not done not by a long shot. Years later my youngest daughter graced with her presence. She’s brought a new appreciation for the song by Eric Clapton “Layla”. In many ways has given us more joy and brought more meaning in our lives along with patience. A teenager with the strength of a warrior and a sweet soul.
There are a few others who I have had the honor of helping raise throughout the years. I hope they will always know how much I learned and will always appreciate our time.
My world is ever changing but my love for each of my children is never ending. If I could… I would face their fears their life struggles. I’d take the physical and emotional hurts along with the sadness of losing friends partners and family members. Sadly I cannot take their place when they hurt or made choices that would not end up well. With my faith in God, myself and in my children I have and will continue to been there for them as I am able to and what they allow me to. This journey is theirs to walk, to live, to experience. I have all the confidence in the world that no matter what happens in life and on their own paths that they will be there for each other as siblings and for future generations to come.
My children, You have free will to love or not but I pray that you choose Love, Love yourselves, love your brothers and sisters, Love life because it’s yours. Respect yourselves and your family. Forgive and ask for forgiveness. As dad has often said “look for the silver lining in every situation, the good in everyone.” Know that you got this. Never give up on yourself or your family. Love unconditionally without blame but with humility and selflessness. Never let go of faith, Faith in God and faith in yourself. I’m so proud of you ALL and “If I could I would” do this all over again, I would. Proudly and Sincerely Mama Bear