Diagnosed with Aspergers Living with depression and anxiety..
What goes through the minds of intelligent souls that have been diagnosed with aspergers ? Having a child now adult I have seen it up close and personal. I’ve witnessed the highs and lows of day to day living. The comfort zone, not wanting to go anywhere. To learning how to have patience when waiting for a response. Guiding and encouraging to the best of my ability. With my personal knowledge and experience this is what I imagine happening in the mind of some individuals within the Aspergers form of autism.
Having purpose a reason to exist, not being alone, experience all what this life has to offer. Are you meant to be here? Why all the struggles? Can I really be the voice for others and how if I can’t even get myself to speak? Thousands of thoughts, questions and incredible knowledge. Why can I not say anything aloud? I’ve said it in my mind more than once yet no words not even a sound just a nod. I’m not disregarding the opinion of others. Not even wanting them to walk away. Stay and share your wisdom with me and I will.. I want to share mine with you. Patiently wait for my voice to catch up with my thoughts. You may be amazed at how much I have to say. Another conversation lost, another potential friend gone. I’m not sure if I have any reason for being here. Being alone in my solitude in my mind. My comfort zone. It’s ok I’m good here I’ll try harder next time. She said have faith. It’s all going to work out in time.
CONVERSATION: Hi and hello, how are you? (My Thoughts)Well do you have time? Because I have a great deal to say. My life is not as I would like. I long for acceptance and honest souls to talk to. I like that car you’re driving. I could tell you all I know about it. Year make model when it was first introduced and all the features that make it interesting to me. (Out loud) I’m good thank you. Bye, see ya.
Struggling to stay positive. Trying to have faith like she said. How? Why do I have to live with this? Why can I not be sociable? I’m feeling depressed again. Anxiety when I have to speak. What if I speak and it still doesn’t matter. God are you there are you even real? Help me. Guide me and bring peace into my heart. Put those who will understand in my life.
CONVERSATION: Hi and hello, how are you doing today? (My Thoughts) I can do this I have faith, here it goes. (Out loud) I’m good thank you how about you? (Minutes later of listening to their response) I’m sorry to hear that. No I don’t mind anytime you’d like to talk call me, I know things will get better soon, have faith it will all work out in time…..