Musical Connections & My Family

I like to believe that we are all spiritually connected through love, music and family. Anyone who has heard the song “If I could” by Regina Belle and resonated with the meaning of the lyrics as I recently have must be a parent or guardian who truly loves and wants to protect their children, Even as adults. While scrolling through YouTube music the other day I was drawn to the title “If I could”. I couldn’t place it right away but as I was listening I realized I was singing some of the lyrics. I don’t know exactly when I first heard this song. I don’t remember what the lyrics were even about at the time. I know that it was the long and high notes Ms. Belle sung that caught my attention and the passion in her voice is strong and meaningful. As I listened to the lyrics I would realize that she was singing about children. In thinking about my emotions and thoughts before hearing song they were incredibly in sync with what was being sung. Most of my children being adults and living on their own and supporting themselves, I still want to be able to help shield them from the negativity of the world. I would remove all their past and future experiences that had a traumatic impact on their lives and view of the world. Reminding me that we are connected on by more than just this physical life I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings.

To my children, all of them even those who I did not give birth to yet I had a hand in raising, I love you, I loved you then, I love you now, I will love you always.

As a teenager I was convinced that my life was completely empty and I was lost in this world until I was saved by an angel, this “angel of mine” was my first born son. From the first time I saw him I fell in love and I knew I was forever changed. Meeting my step son shortly after was a blessing for me. He was a little over a year old so full of life and love. Receiving love and appreciation throughout the years taught me valuable lessons of what family can be like. Not just stepparents or stepchildren we are family. My youngest son “my baby” joined us bringing so much joy and love to us all with his old and loving soul. Since the day he was born we have had a close connection that at times words are not needed to know what he needs or wants to say. As time quickly passed and life struggles got to be a little more than I thought I could handle I was saved yet again. My first born daughter. My beauty, from the first diaper change to the day I watched her move out and into her own place has had my heart and admiration. An independent woman of courage and heart of an Angel. Little did I know that we were not done not by a long shot. Years later my youngest daughter graced with her presence. She’s brought a new appreciation for the song by Eric Clapton “Layla”. In many ways has given us more joy and brought more meaning in our lives along with patience. A teenager with the strength of a warrior and a sweet soul. There are a few others who I have had the honor of helping raise throughout the years. I hope they will always know how much I learned and will always appreciate our time. My world is ever changing but my love for each of my children is never ending. If I could… I would face their fears their life struggles. I’d take the physical and emotional hurts along with the sadness of losing friends partners and family members. Sadly I cannot take their place when they hurt or made choices that would not end up well. With my faith in God, myself and in my children I have and will continue to been there for them as I am able to and what they allow me to. This journey is theirs to walk, to live, to experience. I have all the confidence in the world that no matter what happens in life and on their own paths that they will be there for each other as siblings and for future generations to come.

My children, You have free will to love or not but I pray that you choose Love, Love yourselves, love your brothers and sisters, Love life because it’s yours. Respect yourselves and your family. Forgive and ask for forgiveness. As dad has often said “look for the silver lining in every situation, the good in everyone.” Know that you got this. Never give up on yourself or your family. Love unconditionally without blame but with humility and selflessness. Never let go of faith, Faith in God and faith in yourself. I’m so proud of you ALL and “If I could I would” do this all over again. Proudly and Sincerely Mama Bear

Prayer & Positive Energy for Healing of the World

Now more than ever is the time to spread Love and Encouragement. No matter what religion we come from even if we don’t have a specific religion we practice.

If you are not comfortable with prayer I’d suggest going into meditation, put our intentions out into the universe. Sending positive energy, healing and protection for not just ourselves and our family but for the world.

Just a few positive affirmations.

Those who use prayer as a way to connect to Divine Spirit/God our daily and nightly prayers are always heard. Give thanks for answered prayers for they are already heard and answered. Below is a powerful prayer from youtube

THE CHAPLET OF DIVINE MERCY                        

If anyone would like to join in prayer or sending out positive healing energy and affirmations from your location. For the next two weeks anytime between the hours of 9pm – 11pm set the intention to connect with all souls praying and putting out positive healing energy over the world.
We are strong and powerful souls who are capable of so much good.
Let’s stand together and help one another.

If inspired please feel free to like and share. I’d like to hear from anyone that would like to share specific prayers or affirmations regarding the current global crisis.

Messages Revealed In Form Of Nightmares

Dream interpretation or analyzing dreams, is something I have done for as long as I can remember. Not knowing what dreaming meant or why we dream, my curiosity in remembering certain people or places going through my mind as I was sleeping only grew stronger as I grew older.
I find our dream state or our “night life” so fascinating.
Truly amazed with all I’ve learned, confirmed and received clarity about what our subconscious mind reveals while in our dream state.

As young children how many of us had “nightmares”? Was anyone told “if you watch that scary movie you are going to have nightmares tonight”. Or, “if you eat a heavy meal or a banana before you go to sleep you are going to have bad dreams”. Here’s another I’ve heard some parents use as a scare tactic in attempt to get their children to cooperate and go to bed. “If you do go to sleep right now the boogeyman is going to come get you. “Many times I was afraid of something or someone creepy coming out from under my bed or popping out of the closet as I was going to sleep. How could anyone NOT have uncomfortable dreams?

As teenagers and adults our voices and physical appearance are not the only parts of us that change. Our dreams also change. For some our dreams become much more vivid, intense or exciting. We can do things that we couldn’t possibly do in our waking life. I’m sure many of us have dreamt we were able to fly. Or we’re trying to run away from or towards a place or person. Only to feel stuck in the same spot. Feeling like we’re never going to reach our destination.

Dreams speak a universal language and come the of health and wholeness

Jeremy Taylor

Dreams bring Spiritual messages from Divine spirit (God), our angels or guides and from our higher self. When the subject of having nightmares was explained in a dream interpretation course I learned, nightmares or bad dreams mainly those dreams that scare or just straight out makes uncomfortable are not what they seem to be. It doesn’t have to mean that Freddy Kruger was going to chase me through my childhood home and down the shower drain.
In actuality they are messages we receive when we are being guided to pay attention to specific areas of our waking life. It can have something to do with our physical health an area of bodies that we should get to a physician for or just be aware that there may some event that we’re going to soon face which may cause a negative impact in our lives if not careful.
There is much more to our dreaming than we may have known or choose to believe.

I’d like to share a dream from an anonymous dreamer who I’ve had one on one sessions regarding interpreting their dreams.
“Everything was good I was sleeping on my bunk and there was a woman under me. Then all of a sudden chaos just breaks out everything started to rot and turn ugly stuff started to come alive like little insects started crawling and I started smashing stuff and when I would smash the insect their blood would become something else like another insect and I had to smash that and I looked at the woman she was all messed up with stuff all over her I could feel the stuff that was crawling on me and I started praying and my praying wasn’t working then it started to work and the woman started to get clean of the stuff that was crawling and she started to light up like Red Green and blue.”

Given the details of this dream & key dream symbols I referred to a dream dictionary associated with Edgar Cayce A.R.E.
(Insects and someone covered in insects) can represent inner fears and worry. Emotional depression consuming someone
(Woman) can indicate the feminine side of oneself or another. Could be associated with feminine traits (e.g., emotional receptivity, intuition, cooperation, etc.)
(Chaos) in dreams can represent overwhelming sense of uncertainty maybe uncertain of the outcome of a specific situation. Anxiety and depression even fear of the unknown.
(Praying for and healing someone) represents wanting to heal others or ourselves. The desire to make a problem go away. A desire for a spiritual experience.

As I reviewed this dream and possible meanings I paid attention to my overall feeling and emotions I experienced. Viewing myself as the dreamer, my thoughts on possible messages regarding this dream suggested I’d take a closer look at what am I quietly or secretly worried or anxious about? Being a person of faith in God/Divine Spirit and in prayer. My thoughts are not to give up on myself (hold onto my faith no matter what). I feel that it can also mean I need to be aware of my emotions and reactions to things I cannot control. I possibly may become so overwhelmed with negative energy such as depression. Persistence and faith in prayer and in myself, I will overcome it and be successful leading me to gain strength in areas that I was lacking.

A week later I was speaking with the healing dreamer. They shared with me how they were feeling, that their week was not off to a very positive start. Feelings of rejection, hopelessness, being stuck, frustration leading to anxiety and depression spreading.
The fact that this individual was open to their dreams and possible messages they can now take the steps needed to turn their week around for the better.

I’d like to thank this dreamer for sharing and allowing me to use their interesting very vivid & healing dream.

I’d love to know your thoughts about this dream. Are there any other symbols that you were drawn to? Or possible messages to share?
Please like and share with those who would be interested.

Mama’s Anniversary, March 17th

Our last Easter Sunday

Today officially marks 8 years that she was taken home. Truth is it doesn’t matter how many years, months, weeks, hours, minutes or even seconds it has been. The fact is that she no longer physically here. As another year passes by with next right behind I continue to live each day appreciating all of life’s precious blessings. My connection with all that is. My spiritual calling with Divine Spirit/God, Photographs and fragrances keep vivid images of our life together.
Music, oh how I love music, I can feel the rhythm of all life’s emotions. The beats of every heartbeat, each breath taken.
It’s amazing to me that most of us do not think about how certain events or a typical day around the house would be so meaningful and memorable for us throughout the years. Hearing this was one of those times.
While driving today I heard a song. One I’ve heard her sing many times. An overwhelming rush of the chills flowed from head to toe. Tears filled my eyes and as my attempt to keep smiling failed,the corners of my mouth twitched as my grin turn into a frown.
Singing along out loud was no longer possible for that brief moment. Instead I paid attention to the lyrics. To my surprise there it was, there she was.
“Mama” sweet beautiful Mama always had a way of getting through to me.

(Together, by Tierra)
“Girl I want you to sit back and close your eyes
Think about all those wonderful times that we used to have together
Now I know things are not the way they used to be right now
But they are going to get better someday and I know that ”

Tranquility of Peace and Love

Peace in your soul, love in your heart

Step outside into the night. As the moonlight shines down divine light across the sky surrounds

Bringing tranquility into the universe

Cleansing waters splashing into waves purifies negative energy

Bringing tranquility positive energy is dispersed

Do you feel it

Feel the peace in your soul the love in your heart

Dreaming, cultural beliefs and messages

There have  been vast studies going back centuries about dreaming and meanings of our dreams. During a Dream interpretation course one of many fascinating articles I read was “Cultural beliefs of Dreaming” MmpRN25RVnNyM05vNUt3/view?usp=drivesdk

Cultural Aspects of Dreaming in the earlier eras is in some acpects similar to the modern cultural aspects of dreaming many choose to believe today. For me before technology and research was created and enhanced through the years collecting all sorts of information from all areas of the world, the cultural beliefs from the early ages were pretty straight forward almost “black and white”. You either believe or you don’t believe that there is a meaning hidden within our dreams. Some remember their dreams and some are unable to remember.

With in my own culture dreams were a result of what was in our mind from the day before. Confusion in my own early days 1980’s through the 1990’s was that dreams had a superstition behind details of a dream not so much actual meanings. There are beliefs in today’s indigious cultures around the world that in manys ways combined beliefs of dreams and their meaning.

Nightmares, bad dreams that left you feeling anxious and scared to even close your eyes and go back to sleep. Waking up crying because you dreamt something about someone that you love has died is considered a nightmare the superstition in that is the person who died in your dream is going to live longer now “you gave them more years” I resonated with this particular belief that is referenced in the article under Interpretations of dreams as predictions of the future.”In Corsica and in Portugal, to dream of someone’s death gives that person longer life. To explain disturbing dreams as “really” something quite different may be assuring”. In my understanding of this indeed was a bit reassuring for me as I had dreams of my mother passing away. As a young girl it was still very uncomfortable to have in my mind even after I was told the meaning and reason behind it. As the years went by and after having more than one bad dream of the death of my mother I chose to believe that I was continuing to give her a longer life.  Although it had been many years since I had such a dream, my mother has passed on. My thoughts on this are if this belief was true she would still be with us today. Which takes me to question the possibility that i was foreseeing the loss of my mother that I would physically witness as she suffered a massive heart attack. As mentioned in the same section, “In many cultures, dreams are held to provide knowledge of the future”. Understanding that the reality is that every living being will perish, physically/ The circle of life is inevitable, still I questioned my having the ability to receive messages of the future.   

Secrets Forgiven

Are they really looking out for my best interest? Have they ever? Experiencing loss of innocence, of love,trust, compassion and acceptance. Teaching me the ways of the world was to keep secrets. 

Forgive and be forgiven. To forgive from my heart by prayer and meditation most of all faith. Faith,my reason for not having taken that last step to end it all. End it all what an ironic phrase. 

Contemplating taking the leap of death. with no one watching, no one encouraging to take the step forward to my demise much less a step back to live. Or was there someone there all along? A guardian, in the form of calico cats. My spirit animal, my power animal helping guide and give me the power of strength, intuition and of survival. As you jump to and from physical to spiritual realm you come to me in the time of need making your presence known. Showing me that even when I fall I will land on my feet to gracefully leap up again. Embracing the life I was destined to live, releasing the life given to live. No longer will I follow the rules given to fail, with no voice or reason. awaken my intuition giving me insight I originally had only to be covered up, covered by mankind’s expectations and secrets. “God forgive them for they know not what they do” or do they?

Love Forever

My Dear Loving Husband

If ever two were one, then surely it is we.
If ever man were truly loved by his wife, it is thee;
If ever wife was gleeful in love with man, tis I
I adore thy love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all the riches that one doth hold.
Our love is most eminent that rivers cannot quench,
Nor aught but love from thee give recompense
Thy love is inimitable I can no way repay:
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let’s so perservere,
That when we perish, may we live forever.

I love gazing in your eyes and my favorite place in the world is lying in your arms

I believe time has proven that our love is a special bond and it can not be broken, My faith in you, in us has commenced stronger. It matters not the many hurdles and struggles we have faced. Yesterday , today and forever my heart belongs to you.

Life of a beloved, inspirational soul and uncle

As the next of kin and guardian of the late Pedro (Pete) Martinez and veteran. I decided to jot down a few words in preparing the inscription for his gravestone which turned into a eulogy and eventually resulting in this blog. Beginning with what I wanted others to know about who he was leading to what I would tell him if he were with me still. As I have spoken on behalf of others who have passed on. Helping with creating a few eulogies for others. This is especially meaningful to me as the Veteran whom I wrote about was my uncle. Please feel free to email or leave a comment or feedback. Helpful thoughts and suggestions are welcomed and appreciated.

Pedro Hernandez Martinez (pete) was a very simple and humble man. Pete was a compassionate wise and knowledgeable soul. Honest and hardworking, a Jack of all trades. There wasn’t a job he was too proud to do. Always willing to lend a helping hand to those in need. Especially those who unselfishly helped him when he or his family was in need. He made sure to always help “as long as I can I’ll always help” is what he would say. Whether it was a taco or a dollar, even shoes and saw someone else in need he would happily give it. 

Throughout his life Pete carried all the love, happiness & guidance from the memories of his parents, children, family and friends . A man who served in Vietnam he experienced things that stayed within his soul. Memories that he shared with very few. Memories that haunted him even towards the end of his life journey. 

Pete had lost many loved ones throughout his life. His parents, son, numerous family members his younger brother my dad Joe on March 16, 2011.Before my dad passed he asked Pete to look out for my family and me. My uncle Pete agreed to honor his younger brother’s last wish. It was something he wanted to do not only because it was requested of him, also because we have always had a close and loving bond, my uncle and I. In 2011 my uncles wishes were that when the time came I would care for him. I vowed to honor his request as he agreed to and fulfilled the request of his brother. 

My family and I have so many fond memories of my uncle Pete. Years ago my husband Sam and Pete would spend nights after a weekend barbecue talking and laughing while drinking a few cold ones. “Onta la veronga!?” Was how they greeted each other. Even when Pete no longer drank alcohol. After having his first heart attack which resulted in a double bypass, “where’s the beer at?” was still their greeting. Always an important and supportive person in my life he drove me to the hospital when it was time to deliver my son Cedric and was always at the kid’s birthday parties. These are just a few memories created. 

October of 2018 Pete suffered a stroke resulting in memory loss later confirmed as vascular dementia. When it was time for me to care for my uncle, my adult children who had moved out came back to help with caring for him. Our close family friends Dora with her son also came to help and spend time with him. My cousin Leslie who is not related to him only knowing of each other instantly became friends. Even though his dementia had progressed he remembered her and was ok with her calling him “Peter”. Lifelong memories were created for each of us as our bond strengthen more than I could have ever imagined. There was happiness there was sadness, confusion even frustration. There are a couple moments that he yelled at me in anger (After 40 years never had he yelled at me).

Tio Pete’s memorable phrases have become apart of our daily conversations, even the ones with his choice of words. His voice calling our names”Sam” ,”Cedric”, “Layla”,” Julius”, “Julian”,”Angelina” & “Karen” can still be heard in our minds. “We can go anywhere you want to go, you want to go to Tink a Taco or Jacalas” We laugh every time we remember this because although I was given the option of “anywhere ” there were only two choices to pick from. Which were his favorite restaurants to eat at. 

My most treasured memory of my uncle Pete is the evening he was transported to a VITAS facility. Not knowing that it would be the last time we would both verbally communicate with each other. He said his goodbye to Sam and myself. Earlier in the day Sam was comforting our uncle praying with him assuring him that everything was ok and he was safe. Pete turned to him and asked “will you remember me?”. Sam replied yes of course he will always remember him, that he was grateful to our uncle for all he was and did for us over the years. That night we sat together in his room talking about what he was doing and how the kids were. Caught off guard when in Spanish he told me “te voy echar menos” (I’m  going to miss you). Looking at him smiling was the only reply I could give without breaking down. He continued.. “deberías te voy echar mucho menos mija” (really, I’m really going to miss you mija). Finally I responded that I wanted to care for him that it was him and I taking care of each other. How much I love and appreciate him being apart of my life and caring for me as he always did. For Being my Tio Pete. As he was leaving my uncle Pete waved me goodbye and blew me a kiss. This was the last time I was to hear his voice and see him physically awake. 

The following days  my oldest son Julian was at uncle Pete’s bedside day and night, playing music for him letting him know he wasn’t alone. Leslie also spent a couple of nights there at the facility. Both assured that Pete (Peter) was being taken care of. Pete was slipping away his body was shutting down yet, still holding on. Praying and asking what was he waiting for who was he waiting for? I remembered my uncle had been asking for Dora over the past week. Saturday, June 16,2019 Dora walked in and announced herself he showed signs of acknowledging her presence. She sat with him for a while saying her goodbye. Not long after everyone was out of the room and I was distracted in a conversation with Leslie, Pedro Hernandez Martinez Peacefully slipped away to his paradise with our Lord and past loved ones. 

Thank you for your service may you rest in eternal peace

“You can go anywhere”

Autism spectrum disorder and other lifelong disorders

There is information and resources I wish I knew about years ago when I was confused and lost about what Autism was. Luckily there has been more studies conducted leading to an increasing amount of information on the internet and in books. My knowledge mainly comes from real life experiences, being childhood friends with the father of Jeremy (in the photo) along with a few other individuals who are parents or caregivers of children diagnosed with the same or similar disabilities.
Living life with a specific disorder not only life affects day to day living for the family. Let us think about how the actual human being living with it.

As the list of specific disorders is never ending. I’ll focus more on the Autism spectrum and touch on a few other disorders. Self educating myself on asperger’s syndrome for about 15 years now I still have much to learn. This is a given for us parents and educators who have one or more extraordinary individuals in our lives, either our own children, students even friends. I quote “we still have much to learn” due to the fact that we all grow from infants to children, young adolescents, adulthood and eventually Elderly or senior citizens. In all actuality we never stop learning about ourselves and others.No matter where they are on the autistic spectrum there are stages of life. It’s best to continue increasing our knowledge and assist as they grow in and out of these stages.

According to:

Autism spectrum disorders include social, communication, and behavioral challenges. These problems can be mild, severe, or somewhere in between. The types of autism are:

  • Autistic disorder
  • Asperger’s syndrome disorder
  • Pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS).

Symptoms include:

  • Psychological disorders
  • Sensory or sensory processing issues
  • Reading early or high intelligence
  • Narrowed interests

Before I ever heard of the Autistic spectrum disorder I only knew of a few disorders or what was considered an illness.

There was Down syndrome in which I have very little experience with this particular illness. What knew growing up was it was due to a genetic disorder. These individuals were similar in distinct facial features and have difficulties with their speech.

Mental retardation (MR) by the way Which was really troublesome for me to hear or say as a child. I felt it was insulting and just morally wrong in some way. I know now it’s pretty much caused by how I heard others use the term. Usually said as a “put down” used as loosely as the word stupid.

Another disorder I was aware of but knew very little about is Cerebral palsy. When reading on this I realized that it is similar to the autism spectrum. There is information about the co-occurrence with cerebral palsy and autism.

My thoughts on these various disorders is we should all educate ourselves and others on how to understand the importance of knowing what the symptoms, what type of diagnosis and how to help the one diagnosed. Second opinions are important when diagnosing someone with a lifelong disability. Most of all as parents do not blame yourself, do not put down you’re being a parent or even question your worth as a parent. If you stumbled across this blog or any other article searching for answers or help, let this be confirmation that you are worthy and meant to be a parent you’re the perfect parent for this perfect being. We live and learn. Keep up the good work.

Jeremy and his dad